Friends
Before telling my story, I would like to say that I have been blessed with several great friends in my life. I appreciate all of them and thank God that he brought them into my life. 
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One of my dearest friends in the world seems to want to hold me back when it comes to weight loss. She is on a weight loss journey of her own and has been for a few years. She, like me, has been heavy most all her life and she got to a life threatening point a few years back and decided to take action. I was so proud of her! I wasn’t thrilled by the way she went about it, i.e. Dr. prescribed diet pills, but in the end - the risks associated with her weight outweighed the risks of the diet pills and thankfully….she had no complications. She was very successful.
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She has kept most of the weight off but when she isn’t on the diet pills … the weight always starts to creep back on. So she’ll try on her own for a few weeks then back to the Dr she goes. I know she wants to be free from that cycle but she doesn’t know how to. I try to offer her encouragement and ways to go about weight loss that include changes to diet and activity level.
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I, on the other hand, lost 81 pounds over 2 years right before she started her inital weight loss program. I was encouraged by many, told that I looked nice, asked how I was doing it, etc. But this particular friend never once said that I was looking better, said that I was doing a good job, etc. Even when I would share things with her that I was doing to help meet my goal, i.e. with food and exercise she would just listen and usually change the subject. She gave me ZERO motivation. 
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In general, she is not the type of person to act that way. When I have been troubled by other problems in my life - she’s always been there to help me. She shares a lot with me and I feel that we are VERY CLOSE. I just can’t understand why she doesn’t support me when it comes to this. I would even try to include her by asking that she take classes with me at the gym, go for a walk after work, etc.
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My husband loves her too but says she’s ”jealous” because I did it the healthy way and because she can’t get below a certain point and doesn’t like me being “smaller” than her. I have always been about 25-50 pounds smaller than her (at my heaviest and at my lightest). I understand why he would jump to that conclusion but it isn’t like her to have that kind of an attitude. She doesn’t appear to be jealous of anything else I have accomplished in my life so I find it hard to believe that she would be jealous of this. I want her to be happy for me (since I’m back on the weight loss wagon again). But I see the same pattern….I talk about the things I’m doing and I get NOTHING from her. Oh, and I don’t “overtalk it either” - it’s not like I’m always discussing this. I just metion things here and there.
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Anyone have any thoughts on why she does this? I feel a little like I am betraying her for even discussing this here but no one knows her and I’m not using any names. It just hurts me and I would like to understand WHY. Usually I let things roll off my back and go on but I love her and really can’t figure this out.
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—Valerie
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P.S. I hope everyone’s day is off to a great start and that you all reach your Tuesday goal!
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Well, I read this book called Lose It For Life. It talked alot about the emotional aspect of weight gain and loss. In there it said that you may lose certain friends, or even just a relatebility factor with certain friends because of your weight loss.
Thing is, being overweight is of course so much more than just liking food or not caring. There is always a reason behind it. And sadly alot of these reasons are treated negatively. For instance, whatever the reasons are behind your weight gain, you are trying to make it right. You have realized that its deeper than some pills or eating lean cuisine for the rest of your life. That this is a life change for you. It seems your friend has had a much harder time finding the motivation in herself, so she depends on pills to help her. Now…I am not saying that pills are wrong. But if you cannot keep the weight off without them - then something in your diet plan was wrong.
So I feel it may be a slight bit of jealousy and insecurity on her part. She see’s you doing well and she is probably very frustrated at herself more than anything. And this makes her self esteem even lower which causes her world to go smaller. As in she alone fills up most of her world.
I have a friend that is a great person, but very very insecure. So everything is constantly about her. She acts this way I think to fake confidence. To make people think she is really in control. She always wants people to notice her clothes, her hair, her “weight loss” (even when you have seen her eat junk food for a month and no weight is lost, she wants you to notice how many pounds she has lost.)
But when I accomplish something or wear something new - I dont exist. It has to revolve around her. It makes friendship hurt in other areas, because friendship is about selfishness. You can hire somebody to say what you want and make you feel good. But friends are there no matter what.
So, if you are really close to this person as you feel you are. I would say something to her about it. Even if she blows it off and doesnt seem to understand - at least you did your part by bringing it up and making it known. Now she cant deny it. And remember, her insecuritys may surface, but you as a true friend just want to help her and support her. And you only ask the same from her. I hope this helps. Sorry its a novel
Well…What Beth says is perfectly sound advice…So I wont say too much more…
But…If this person is truly, an otherwise best friend, then yes, you owe it to her to bring your concerns to the table…
My theory is, from the journey i have been on, is that its not so much jealousy…As it is envy…She envies your strength and your dedication. She wants it too, but doesn know how to do it yet…
I have also learned that for HER its fear…She is afraid of what your weight loss will mean FOR HER…Doesnt mean she doesnt love you or even want you to succeed. I am quite certain she does, but she has no idea if when you are thinner, happier, healthier, will you still want to be her friend??? She is afraid of you succeeding. And she is afriad of you failing. Cause your failure connects to her failure…
All I can say, is worry about you…Thats ALL you can do…Be honest with her, let her decide if she wants to be there on this journey for you or not, and continue to inspire her by YOUR actions…Dont tell her what to do, lead by example…By gut tells me, in time, she will follow. The RIGHT way this time…
Good luck!
Dawn
First off, let me say that I am sorry you are dealing with this. I know how hard it is to feel a friend slipping away.
I lost a very close friend a number of years ago when I had Logan. She was having trouble conceiving and seeing me have another baby was too much for her. She would come over to visit and while she would play with Jarod, he was 3 1/2 at the time,she would barely look at Logan.
I lost another friend when her marriage hit the skids and mine was flourishing.
Sometimes it is just too painful for people to see others happy when they are not. It’s especially difficult when they have the power to change their situation and for what ever reason do not.
I would speak to her about it, be honest, come from a place of how it makes you feel when she completely ignores your progress, and tell her how much you would like to have her support and encouragement.
You have to be prepared for the fact that she may lash out and say things that you do not want to hear. For me, I would rather have things out on the table than harbor a resentment.
Good luck with this Valerie, and know that we support you.